Consistently inconsistent seems to be who I am, and sometimes that’s okay. I left summer camp and cried the whole way home, reminiscent of the time I spent. I was terrified to go home, terrified to go back to my responsibilities and the unknown.
Camp was predictable, I was up at the same time and went through the same routine. I took out trips and they followed a schedule, they met certain expectations. Surrounded by beauty and happiness for 3 months, my mind changed, my expectations changed. Leaving camp I was sad that I wouldn’t see the same faces, wouldn’t have the conversations, wouldn’t have the screaming laughter and singing to carry me through the rough days. I cried for myself, in the most selfish way, I cried that I would no longer have those things to help me cope and to forget about the bad that happens around me. Camp was my most welcome distraction, even when it was most exhausting. Camp was my refuge.
I sit at my desk, in my thrown together office that doesn’t quite seem like home. I think of the places I have gone, the things I have done. I feed the dogs and wash the dishes as I daydream of places that are not so far away.
Life is different at camp, life is different in the woods. I cling to it, not wanting to completely come down just yet – knowing that I need to. I live in the most eco-diverse place in the world, and the closer I get to it, the more I absolutely yearn for it. I laughed when I got the camp job, my friends called me a hippie, but I don’t laugh now. I was changed at camp, wanting to learn something new I learned something new about myself.
Luke 5:16 Your soul needs the wild
As I sit here and stare out my window there is no doubt that my soul is wild.